"I know not how I may seem to others, but to myself I am but a small child wandering upon the vast shores of knowledge, every now and then finding a small bright pebble to content myself with"
~Plato
As it is becoming brutally hot here in the lovely California, I am growing more anxious for my favorite season to arrive! No, it is not summer... Summer is hot and uncomfortable, and there are many outdoorsy events and plans that rarely come to fruition in my life. Even though I was raised in California, I guess I am no longer a "California girl." I prefer the beach when it's overcast and abandoned. When it is sunny, warm, and crowded it doesn't hold the same appeal. Give me sweatpants over shorts any day of the week. I love scarfs and hate tank tops... Lord only knows what I am doing here.
My favorite season is fall. :) Just saying the word makes me feel a bit lighter, a lot happier. There is a certain kind of magic in the way the leaves swirl to the ground, the wind tossing them to and fro. I've always wanted to live in a place where the leaves really change. Where the trees are massive and they dress themselves in vibrant colors to usher their streets into fall. Maybe I am dreaming a bit too much, but I imagine the small towns to be cozier. Where fall means the whole town is found at the high school football game, and the houses each have their own character and design. I imagine my life in an old country house with festive decor from top to bottom. Where I have a big yard and all the neighborhood kids play in the street! Each year as the calendar turns to June, and my July birthday draws closer, I find myself further away from the picture of life I had in my mind. Except this year, the year I find myself excited, I can feel something changing. Maybe all the dreaming will come to a close soon, and I will collide with the plans God has for me. Lately I feel as though my life is on pause, just moments from pressing play. I can feel the anticipation and excitement, the suspense of what my life will sound like covers over everything else. The waiting fills me with unanswered questions. What will it be? When? Where will I go?
I think God has been preparing my heart for a move. Even though I love my family, and most are here in California, lately my heart drifts away from my life. I frequently discover myself longing to live in the country, in a small town, where the seasons really change. Recently a cousin of mine moved to Illinois, and since then I have been very aware that she is the first in my family to make that kind of change. I admire her bravery and commitment to God's plan for her life. I think He is using her choice to prepare me. Last year, in the fall, I had the opportunity to move and I stayed. I stayed even though my husband was leaving. I was too close to everything then, in such a dark place where hope was absent and fear was constant. I was too close to my fear and too far from my heart. This year, when fall comes and the wind strikes, I'll be ready. Where ever it beckons me, I will follow.
Hopefully, the wind will take me to a place where fall is overwhelming and the winter falls hard. Oh, what I'd give to be snuggled up in a sweater, sipping a pumpkin spice latte and watching the vibrant leaves dance their way to the ground. Such magic is worth all the moments of sun California holds. I've had a lifetime of sun, I think it's time to enjoy the seasons. Enjoy something new, to wander into a life I've always wanted but never thought I could obtain. This may never happen, who knows? Maybe I will wander into a life here in California that is exactly God's plan for me. And in that life, if it is God's desire, I would find contentment.
Only God knows where He is pulling me, and why He is molding my heart in this way.. but I know where ever I end up, as long as I have my Lord, my husband, and a few great books, it will be home.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
Chasing a Dream
"There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart.... pursue those."
- Author Unknown
Is there anything more captivating... more challenging... or more exhilarating? For some, chasing a dream seems folly. Others, pursue their ambitions with every iota of dedication they can muster. The former are people who simply live their life and the world moves past them. Those that chase their dreams and succeed are the ones the world never forgets. Is it about that fame or success? No. Can I desire to be something more than what I am? Absolutely.
About a year and a half ago, on a typical stay-at-home night, my husband dared to dream again. We had a great life (and we still do), but something in him was unsatisfied. In every passing moment, with each change of the tide, my husband's life plan would fall to pieces. Finally, he admitted to himself, and to me, that he could not live his life fully until he had exhausted every chance to obtain his boyhood dream of playing hockey. Funny how life has a way of smacking you right in the face! I was stunned. The concept and chance of him playing hockey professionally seemed minuscule. At first I was too afraid, afraid that his heart would inevitably be crushed, and afraid of how his choice would change my world. It has been a hard road, and there have been many bumps along the way, but now I am so glad he dared to dream. Looking back over the last year, I can see how his hope has infected me and, in turn, our life together. Even though his hockey career potential still remains to be seen, his growth as a man has astounded me. The byproduct of his dream is strength and discipline, the gain of the qualities in his character is something I would never trade. More importantly, his hope is contagious. Without his dream I would not have dared to discover mine...
There are many people in our lives that disapprove of the choices we are making. Reckless, stupid and irresponsible are words that have been used to describe the last year of my life. It's true, chasing your dreams brings the potential for failure. But whether you dare to dream or just move through life, you will fail. Failure is inevitable, but it is what you do with your failures that lasts. Will we pick ourselves up and continue onward? Maybe we will exhaust all options in pursuing these dreams but we won't be defeated - we will find another! This process has taught me that life is not worth living if you do not have something to cherish. The pursuit of becoming an editor or an author enthralls me. It is a dream so close to my heart, and so much a part of me that I cannot believe I ever wanted anything else. I feel alive again; like the world is mine and all I have to do is work hard enough to take it. Each day I feel excitement and the anticipation of where our dreams may take us. This dream makes my heart beat faster, it's one that wakes me in the middle of the night, one that changes the mundane reality into something vibrantly beautiful. The life I knew before has faded away, and the catalyst for this change is hope. Where there was once fear and skepticism, now stands hope and promise. All this change from one simple thing, a dream. When you find your dream, you'll know. It's that moment, where you feel something is on the horizon. You just have to reach out, believe, and grasp hold. Cling ferociously to the pulse of your soul and never let anyone quiet your desire. DREAM! And keep dreaming because, one person, who dares to dream, can change us all.
- Author Unknown
Is there anything more captivating... more challenging... or more exhilarating? For some, chasing a dream seems folly. Others, pursue their ambitions with every iota of dedication they can muster. The former are people who simply live their life and the world moves past them. Those that chase their dreams and succeed are the ones the world never forgets. Is it about that fame or success? No. Can I desire to be something more than what I am? Absolutely.
About a year and a half ago, on a typical stay-at-home night, my husband dared to dream again. We had a great life (and we still do), but something in him was unsatisfied. In every passing moment, with each change of the tide, my husband's life plan would fall to pieces. Finally, he admitted to himself, and to me, that he could not live his life fully until he had exhausted every chance to obtain his boyhood dream of playing hockey. Funny how life has a way of smacking you right in the face! I was stunned. The concept and chance of him playing hockey professionally seemed minuscule. At first I was too afraid, afraid that his heart would inevitably be crushed, and afraid of how his choice would change my world. It has been a hard road, and there have been many bumps along the way, but now I am so glad he dared to dream. Looking back over the last year, I can see how his hope has infected me and, in turn, our life together. Even though his hockey career potential still remains to be seen, his growth as a man has astounded me. The byproduct of his dream is strength and discipline, the gain of the qualities in his character is something I would never trade. More importantly, his hope is contagious. Without his dream I would not have dared to discover mine...
There are many people in our lives that disapprove of the choices we are making. Reckless, stupid and irresponsible are words that have been used to describe the last year of my life. It's true, chasing your dreams brings the potential for failure. But whether you dare to dream or just move through life, you will fail. Failure is inevitable, but it is what you do with your failures that lasts. Will we pick ourselves up and continue onward? Maybe we will exhaust all options in pursuing these dreams but we won't be defeated - we will find another! This process has taught me that life is not worth living if you do not have something to cherish. The pursuit of becoming an editor or an author enthralls me. It is a dream so close to my heart, and so much a part of me that I cannot believe I ever wanted anything else. I feel alive again; like the world is mine and all I have to do is work hard enough to take it. Each day I feel excitement and the anticipation of where our dreams may take us. This dream makes my heart beat faster, it's one that wakes me in the middle of the night, one that changes the mundane reality into something vibrantly beautiful. The life I knew before has faded away, and the catalyst for this change is hope. Where there was once fear and skepticism, now stands hope and promise. All this change from one simple thing, a dream. When you find your dream, you'll know. It's that moment, where you feel something is on the horizon. You just have to reach out, believe, and grasp hold. Cling ferociously to the pulse of your soul and never let anyone quiet your desire. DREAM! And keep dreaming because, one person, who dares to dream, can change us all.
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